Paper Wads and Petty Thievery

Dear Snurdly P. Riley (Eighth-Grader),

My favorite day of the school year so far was when your friends dressed me up for your birthday. They covered my beige with sparkly paper, and I lit up the 8th-grade hallway like a diva on stage. I guess locker clean-out would be my second favorite day. Snurds, that wadded up pair of gym shorts was starting to give me a cramp. It felt like a brand new year when you installed that locker shelf. Makeover for me!

We usually get along pretty well, the two of us. I watch over your books and your favorite New York Giants hoodie, and you visit me between every single class. I know you’d rather spend your passing period talking with your friends than trying to remember your combination, but let’s get this straight, Kid. I didn’t think the paperjam was a good idea, but I didn’t speak up, and now I’m sorry.

Last week, when you were in Art, some 7th grader with spiky pony tails flew by and flung open your locker, and there wasn’t a thing I could do to stop him! Snurdly, he could have grabbed your hoodie and used it as a dog towel. You put me in a really tough position, a LOCKER who can’t LOCK?! You don’t even know who I *am* anymore!

Please work with me, so I can do my best work for you. Lock it up. Don’t jam it. Your stuff is in danger, and the powers-that-be can’t go after missing stuff if you don’t care enough about it to keep it locked.

Think about it.

Yours Truly,

Paper Jammed (Un) Locker

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